I thought a while about what to write about. I mean I’ve read a lot of articles about blogging, and how to go about generating income streams from blogging. It’s important to write quality posts, and as far quality goes, this post will probably be akin to shit. But I thought it would be a good introduction for you poor bastards bored enough to go back into the archives and find this post.
I cuss, a lot, in real life, in front of everyone. If I don’t like you, I’ll tell you to go fuck yourself. And I have a vocabulary large enough to tell you to do it, without you realizing it, ever. That was arrogant as fuck, but when you’ve got an IQ north of 160, pretty much everyone is unarmed in a battle of the wits. And that was arrogant as fuck also, but also true. I’ll do my best to keep my blog posts clean, but sometimes, when I’m really passionate about a subject, there’s words that just don’t justify as well as four letter ones.
If you’ve found my blog by searching for my distractions, welcome to a blog where I will write about all of mine. My hobbies vary greatly, I have a lot of skills, and a lot of personal shortcomings, of which I will lose myself in a distraction, or five when I don’t want to wallow. Or sometimes when I want to wallow, but I know it’s probably better if I don’t.
Another thing about me, is I’m autistic, and I depend on the government for my income, a situation that I despise, but there’s really not much I can do about it. In the seven years I worked, from 16-23, I had over 351 jobs. That’s a lot of damn jobs, and I had to remember every single one of them for that disability application.
When I was approved, my back pay was paid to the date I attempted to off myself. And I would have succeeded too if it hadn’t been for those meddling EMT’s. Look I know it was a mistake, and under normal circumstances, I never would have done it, but I suspect, if you’ve decided to go looking for my very first blog post here, you’ve figured out, my circumstances are anything/everything BUT normal.
Would I like to see this blog becoming my ‘job’? Absolutely, but just like any other thing written, becoming an overnight success is not something I expect. Most of the blogging advice I’ve read says it takes a couple of years to reach an income stream high enough to just ‘supplement’ your income. So I’m just going to do this as yet one more ‘distraction’, and maybe one day… Plus, a telecommute? Oh fuck yes.
So my posts will cover topics I know, or feel comfortable enough saying I know. Occasionally, I’ll bitch about something I find stupid about the world, and or the denizen’s in it. Hopefully you’ll appreciate my humor on those subjects. I mean, if you’re reading this post, obviously you find me amusing enough. Although, at this junction, after reading this post to this point, it’s OK if you feel a little bit of horror creeping up on you in the back of your mind. I think that’s a normal reaction to figuring out just how screwed up the person is that’s making your eyes go wide, while you scold yourself for wanting to laugh at something wholly inappropriate.
My distractions range from tangible to intangible. I’ll file video games as tangible, and things that are intangible would be a skewed view of the world, things like context, and just how terribly wrong things can be when taken out of context. For example…
I frequently pick up chicks at the elementary school. And that taken out of context is innumerable flavors of wrong. But in context, I have two girls in elementary school, and there’s no bus. So it shifts from being totally fucked to being totally acceptable.
My mind, frequently spits out things that are just fucked. The kinds of things that inappropriate is a mild descriptor. I guess I know when the things I come up with are inappropriate, and I know I probably should never utter them aloud to another living soul, but fortunately, my best friend in the world, appreciates just how fucked my mind is. It’s like comic relief, for the intelligent.
Speaking of comic relief, I’ve always thought about becoming a stand up comedian. Although, I figure by the time I’ve had enough alcohol to overcome the stage fright, I’d think I was Chippendale. But at least I’d make some money, because people would pay me to put my clothes back on. I’m currently in shape, or in a shape is more accurate. More specifically, the shape is round.
And I know not everyone appreciates my kind of humor. It’s the rare few that see the insanity, and appreciate it. Sarcastic cynicism would be an apt descriptor.
Many years ago, when I was married, my wife was convinced I was cheating on her. I wasn’t at that time, but she was convinced nonetheless, because if she was fucking every guy she knew, it wouldn’t be so bad if I was fucking every girl I knew. That’s how cheaters work, they accuse you of what they themselves are doing, some kind of warped justification.
But anyhoo, a woman called the house, and my wife threw the cordless phone at me saying, ‘It’s your girlfriend.’ in a real snooty way. I answered the phone, and the woman said, ‘Hello, this is a courtesy call from AT&T.’, so I asked them to hold, and I said to my wife, ‘Honey, it’s a courtesy call from AT&T, should I get her number and see what she’s doing later?’. Then she threw the cordless phone base at me. And I do not for one second regret it, because it was funny.
So I’ll wrap up my random rambling now. You’ve gotten a taste, you think you know what to expect, and mostly, you’re right. But, I bet it’s still going to get weirder here than you think. Oh wait, nobody will read this. Except for you poor bored bastards who went looking for my first post. I guess you kinda know how weird I get. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every second.